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The Curious State of Attraction

Writer's picture: Catherine Ann WhiteCatherine Ann White


When cleaning the house with my husband yesterday, I paused and looked at him as he worked. After a few moments, I said, “Hey, babe. Do you know what I think?”


When his attention turned to the question, I announced, “I think effort is sexy.” After he asked for clarification, I told him I found his effort to contribute to our relationship quite appealing.


He smiled, I kissed him, and then we both proceeded with our work in silence. As I continued cleaning in silence, I mused about the complexity of attraction.



The Biology of Arousal


Our culture suggests that sexual appeal stems from having a great body, a perfect smile, great complexion, extremely white teeth, plump lips, sexy clothes, and nicely formed or sized body parts.


Yet, physical appearance is subjective, differing vastly from person to person, and attraction is more complex than many of us think.


Arousal goes far beyond appearance, and much of our sexual appeal with others is unintelligible, rooted in biological factors.



Alluring Odors


Certain scents can lure us to another person. We all know that an attractive perfume or cologne can draw us in. Less perceptible are other biological agents detected and perceived through smell.


Chemical agents called pheromones — produced through saliva, sweat, and urine — affect our smell receptors and can heighten arousal, change hormone levels, and increase desire. Research indicates that pheromones and the ’olfactory match’ between people influences attraction more that just irresistible smell.



The apocrine glands — housed in armpits, around nipples, and in the groin — produce scents of perspiration and certain body parts can produce the “musk” or unique smell of a person. These olfactory agents influence sexual desire on a chemical level.


Sometimes, such as during ovulation, women are more attuned to sweat or the other person’s smell, often triggering hormone changes. For example, the Apocrine glands release some steroids, such as Androsterone, that give off odor and affect sexual behavior and attraction. Research also shows women increase their appeal from seemingly imperceptible biological agents as well, such as during times of high estrogen and low progesterone levels.


Recent studies suggest that the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes influence body odor and mate choice based on body "odor" attractiveness. The MHC is a group of genes that code for proteins found on the surfaces of cells that help the immune system recognize foreign substances. Studies suggest that a MHC dissimilarity attracts one person to another.



Vocal and Auditory Lures


Sounds, such as type, volume, and nature of another’s voice, also play a part in sexual desire. Some researches found that low vocal pitch, a small range of vocal pitch, and bright, generous voices increased interpersonal attraction.


Though I found no research about this, I feel that unspoken sounds, changes in speech type (such as when we whisper), and speech intonation increase my interest and attraction to someone else.



Tasting the Other


Taste, when kissing, also elicits a chemical interaction involved in desire and attraction. When you kiss someone, you not only taste that person, but you also process their scent through smell.


Sarah Johns, a scientist studying human reproduction and evolutionary psychology at the University of Kent, told The Independent, ”Humans don’t have strong olfactory skills and kissing allows you to smell and taste a person and see if you have different immune responses as we tend to feel more attracted to someone with a different immune response.”



She continues, “The major histocompatibility complex is detectable in body odour, so by kissing and tasting someone it gives the opportunity to assess how similar or different that individual is to you biochemically."


Touch Intrigue


Because it elicits OxyContin, touch has an extremely positive effect on people. Some research suggests that sharing mutual gaze along with touch increases desire for individuals more romantically inclined.



The usefulness of touch during intimacy is apparent, yet we forget some features when we think of sexual attraction. During sex, varying our types of touching, such as going from soft touches, to pressure, to pinches, and so forth, can increase arousal.



Beyond Biology - Psychological Attraction


Arousal stems from other factors, too. Many psychological features play a large role in infatuation and the start and continuation of a relationship. Attraction evokes powerful emotions that elicit a desire to connect intimately. Often, these emotions stem from psychological features.


Science suggests that some individuals desire another person similar to themselves in nature and other individuals find interpersonal dissimilarities more connecting because they are complement in the relationship.


Though I cannot find this documented in science, I believe these psychological factors also draw us to another person and increase arousal:


  • Personality

  • Intellect

  • Humor

  • Talents and abilities

  • Background and experiences

  • Ideas, opinion, stories, and beliefs

  • Type and frequency of laughter or smiling

  • Sensitivity and vulnerability


The list could go on.



It seems to me that attraction goes even further beyond the physical and biological aspects and the psychological features of another person. I believe that behavior plays a significant role.


Solidifying and Sustaining Intimacy and Arousal


Physical, biological, and psychological traits may draw us in, but what sustains appeal? I think that behavior and actions promote, solidify, and prolong attraction, desire, and arousal.


Have you ever seen the recent teenage ritual of someone creating a poster of written and visual content they present as a proposal of sorts to get their potential prom date to choose them as their date? I followed this trend a bit. The posters that that took thought, those that were clever, or those that took time to create made a mark.


if someone thinks about, creates, or does something for another, it feels good. It also attracts and often arouses.


Continued appeal and long-lasting sexual arousal stems from behaviors that enhance intimacy and strengthen bonding.



Think of these behaviors, to name a few, that heighten and maintain personal connection and the love and desire within a relationship:


  • Support

  • Respect

  • Thoughtfulness

  • Kindness

  • Altruism

  • Nurturing

  • Commitment

  • And, yes… Effort, specifically effort to prove commitment and sustain the bond.

This brings me back to my husband.


Effort Is Sexy


Though I find my husband attractive because of physical, biological, and psychological factors, I fell in love, married, and stayed attracted to my husband because of his nature to put forth effort into our relationship over and over. His effort is continued and consistent.


In a relationship, we must challenge ourselves to not forget what keeps the connection and physical and psychological intimacy alive.



For my husband and I, it comes from continuing to put forth effort in each other.


Effort, even when exhausted.


Effort, even when it is something we don’t want to do something but should.


Effort, even when the relationship may become more commonplace or simple than when the relationship started.


It is easy to be physically attracted to someone else. If you want to have ongoing intimacy and continued attraction or desire, the sexy behaviors must be demonstrated.




Some are turned on by cologne. Some are turned on by tight jeans or a well-chosen suit or an acceptable amount of money in another person’s pocket. I suppose this can be true for a bunch of us. But, when I see my husband tirelessly helping with the laundry, scrubbing the shower when he’s tired, or taking our dog on a long walk on a cold and rainy day, those moments provoke an extra dose of attraction and I truly find him to be the sexiest man I know.


 

To learn more about psychology and how to improve yourself and the wellbeing of others, keep checking the MINDDESIGNMEDIA Psychology Blog.

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